hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
