I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
