so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
