Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
