she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You pole danced in your parka.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
