my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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