Just cropdusted the office
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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