he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
