OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
