My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I love you. Go after that dick
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