Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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