ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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