I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
