ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
