I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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