can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
