dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
