if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
