I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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