i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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