Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
