Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
