the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
