I'm really into asian looking animals
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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