"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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