My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
