Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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