When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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