i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
no, he came in my armpit
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
