My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
