I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
