Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
