I am puke
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
