im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
How's work?
Spinning.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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