I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
