I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
