Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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