my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize