Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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