I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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