when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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