Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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