having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
