Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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