I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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