With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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