At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
