I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
