god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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