I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
