I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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