Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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