last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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