please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
