i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
