Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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