So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
