I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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