ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
