Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
