chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
