Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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