Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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