Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
