I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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