If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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