My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
