normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Randomize
