Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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