I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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