Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
