I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
