if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
