I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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