My balls are so social today.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
