I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
