if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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