I've blown a few things in my day
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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